Worries about the future, second guesses of the past, and anxieties of the moment can and do come together like some perfect mind storm. On such rare, caregiving days the weight of all around me simply crashes.
Caregivers rarely have the safety net of anyone caring for them. If and when I do find a hand reaching out to me it may as well be an alien encounter. What is this? What do I do with it? Hesitation is not about ‘not wanting’ help but trying to ‘remember’ trust.
Digging one self out of the rubble of a crashed day is too much time lost inside my own head in the muck of a depressing mind swamp. What I wouldn’t give for a rejuvenating meal of sunny side up Phoenix eggs!
When others who cannot care for themselves depend on you, you must get it together and somehow you do. Emotional debris and unfinished thinking gets pushed into that ‘closet’. Leaning your weight against it you manage to shut it again.
Standing outside on trash collection eve, I admire the plies of results from the industrious Spring cleaning of neighbors with more ‘normal’ lives. … What I need is a twilight zone where there is Spring cleaning for a closet shoved full of two decades of caregiving anxieties.
Caregivingly Yours, Patrick Leer
P.S. Cartoon image copied from art and imagination of Berkeley Breathed without permission. Yes, another anxiety but it fit so perfectly.