… Since beginning 'aggressive chemotherapy' almost 12 weeks ago, I can no longer lift or transfer Patti due to fatigue from chemotherapy to combat Stage 4 Lung Cancer. (My Lung Cancer Odyssey)… NO more ‘off road’ wheelchair pushing through accessible trails. … basically no more ‘physical caregiving’ on my part ... take physical caregiving out of the equation and is an 11 yr old van with 160,000 miles worth it?
Last week sitting in the chemo lounge I watched a couple use ‘the hug’ – one person unassisted transfer from recliner to wheelchair with healthy spouse transferring chemo fatigued spouse … how many times have I done that through the decades … hundreds? … thousands? … the key word here is ‘healthy’ spouse ... and I can no longer qualify as the healthy spouse.
When operating a wheelchair accessible van one must still need to be able to lift or transfer your passenger as a failsafe. … Even my visits to Patti’s care facility have been seriously impaired by my chemo reduced immune system.
Visiting is down almost 2/3 for me …
Does fighting to outlive Stage 4 Lung Cancer trump a quarter century priority for spouse caregiving for Multiple Sclerosis? … Most days I awake to find myself so conflicted that I am alive and fighting to outlive lung cancer … yet ‘hands on’ involvement with Patti’s care declines.
… her MS related dementia impairs her awareness of any of these changes … she rarely remembers I even have lung cancer much less am fighting to outlive it.
Patti did not choose Multiple Sclerosis any more than I chose Lung Cancer … however a quarter century ago I chose to juggle spouse caregiving and basically single parenting ... now we enter a yet another new era in living with MS as a Family…
A dear friend sent me a note of encouragement from the poet Audre Lorde …
“I have come to believe that caring for myself is not self-indulgent.
Caring for myself is an act of survival.”
Patrick Leer
Health Activist:
Caregivingly Yours, MS Caregiver @ http://caregivinglyyours.blogspot.com/
My Lung Cancer Odyssey @ http://lung-cancer-survivor.blogspot.com/