Monday, June 18, 2007

Caregiving: beautiful people do not just happen

A recurring funk that caregivers can fall into is the comparing or contrasting of their lives with peers, friends, or siblings. Fatigue and isolation can lead your mind down some wacky paths. After all caregiving is a parallel universe.

I stumbled upon these insights by psychiatrist and author, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. For my brothers and sisters in caregiving the next time you slip into a funk, remember “… Beautiful people do not just happen.”

“ … We run after values that, at death, become zero.  At the end of your life, nobody asks you how many degrees you have, or how many mansions you built, or how many Rolls Royces you could afford.  That’s what dying patients teach you. …”

“ … The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat,known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths.  These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassions, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen. …” 

Caregivingly Yours, Patrick Leer


  1. That was beautiful and so true. :o)

  2. A beautiful quote Patrick! I have a friend with ALS and they can't afford a caregiver and the family all work.  It is so sad that beautiful people must suffer if not indigent in this country.


  3. HI
    just wanted to let you know I have been writing--just really haven't had much to comment on--not really commenting on much of anything lately or even keeping my own journal up.

    I do enjoy reading of your adventures with Patti (now I hope I spelled that right and can't go back and check it-LOL)

    take care,

  4. so true:) have a good week


  5.  So true, I have met many beautiful people over my life.  Since they are in patient gowns it strips away the 3 piece suits or tattered rags, they all show their merit by the way they live their life.  


  6. Thank you, Patrick....

  7. So true Patrick :)


  8. ((((((((((((HUGSTOYOU))))))))))))))))))))))Just wanted to drop by and say hi,have a nice night.

  9. No words sound truer than these. That name, Elizabeth Kubler Ross, I think I have a book by her... something about death, ... yes, I just looked to my bookcase, On Death and Dying as well as On Grief and Grieving. These are two I have not read yet. Sometimes I buy a book that someone recommends to me, and I add it to my "books I am going to read" shelf. I have about ten books on that shelf right now, and those are two of them. I may have bought them shortly after my neighbor's husband died, and I suddenly felt an urge to find out how one deals with this part of life. So many people I know are dying, ... so many people I know have people in their lives who are dying (it's the age group I'm in). I just want to understand, for them, and for myself what is to be expected. I often feel awkward around people after they have lost a loved one, like a spouse. I have lost someone close to me, but still, when the moment comes to face that surviving spouse, sometimes I only know how to cry. I say I feel their loss, and I truly do, but still the words seem so inadequate at such a time. Which is why I bought the books, to help me understand my reactions and responses, and to understand others'. Have you read either of her books? bea

  10. Oh how beautiful.  I am a caregiver, and this is very consoling to read.  I never really thought about this.  But it is definitely true.  Thanks for sharing this at a very difficult time in my life.  Right now I am at Hope Lodge (a Cancer Lodge residence for cancer patients and their families).  My husband has a fever of about 102 and they can't figure out what is wrong.  He has had cancers and complications for years now.  Thanks for sharing this today.  Your journal helps me a lot and I have added you to my alerts.



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