Can I depend on you? /
Can you depend on me?
When your world is turned
upside down who thinks about plans? The person diagnosed with MS has a mountain
of emotions to suddenly deal with. “the call”
The people around them
have a parallel world of reactions confounded by invisible symptoms and
invisible hurdles.
From the earliest
symptoms through diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis and beyond it may be more like
a dance than stages of a denial acceptance equation
Everyone brings who they
are to the moment. With one basic question, can I depend on you? / can you
depend on me?
Whether one chooses to
go it alone and create their own support network or within a family unit, the
dance begins. Somehow each must not only learn but learn to move together.
Caring can push too hard
or equally react too slow. Pushed away in the moment, it’s equally difficult to
learn not to sulk as it is to try again.
Giving someone ‘space’
sounds easy until you create distance between you.
In the beginning it may
seem as impossible as respecting boundaries without borders.
Complicating it all is
that MS in the beginning does not look ominous. When you look ‘mahvelous
dahling’ people have a problem understanding your diagnosis much less anxiety.
Also our attention span for
caring is definitely short term. Hallmark sells ‘get well SOON’ cards not ‘living
with’ cards. MS on the other hand is about
a commitment of decades not days.
MS symptoms may change and
progress through the years increasing needs while abilities and resources of
those who care decrease, butterfly effect MS caregiving.
Can I depend on you? … In
the beginning, there is more going on in everybody’s heads than is actually
happening. Like any first dance there will be those awkward moments of hand
placement and you most certainly will step on a few toes. … Can you depend on
me?
“You can’t depend on your judgment when your imagination is out of focus” Mark Twain
Caregivingly Yours, Patrick Leer
videos: www.youtube.com/daddyleer
web site: caregivinglyyours.com
Peace Be With You Judy
ReplyDeleteThis is an amazing post, Patrick. So on the mark.
Judy
Thanks Judy! Writing it I was concerned this might be a detour in discussing "planning" but the more I looked at it the more it seemed to hold answers.
ReplyDelete"Hallmark sells 'get well soon' cards, not 'living with' cards." Boy, ain't that the truth! Even my long-term disability insurance company sends me forms every three months, apparently expecting that sooner or later I'll get over this and go back to work. But I'm grateful to have the insurance, so I fill out the forms and send them back. Dealing with a disability is always an adventure!
ReplyDeleteI love this entry, I wonder how many really have people they can depend on. I am lucky I found one, Patty is lucky she found you.
ReplyDeletezoomdoggies - every three months!!! and I bemoan filling out Patti's annual paperwork. At least they are annoyingly optimistic shadows on the adventure.
ReplyDeleteJulie - for some reason I was thinking I could come up with some 'objective' planning formula, yet the truth is 'depending on someone' while so damn subjective seems increasingly pivotal.