Tuesday, June 25, 2013

death dying and MS dementia

A niece of Patti’s notified me Saturday that Patti’s father (Harold Decker) had died earlier Saturday. Speaking for, to, or whatever for dementia was never a role I wanted.

Yet the die was cast and frankly I do have the most experience.

Humbled by two weeks of Chemo Fatigue and on guard from others getting inside my failing immune system, our daughter and I concocted a plan.

We arranged with care facility to set up a sleeping pill for the evening, just in case. Then after completing my saline drip or the day we returned home for phase II

Feeding Patti a comfort food dinner, I began with, “Patti your father died” … “what!!! Harold Decker is dead?”

Shifting to logistics … “My Dad is in heaven … why would he give a shit?”

Letting Patti run with the agenda we zoomed in and out of ‘remembering’

I don’t know what Patti will or will not remember but I pray it is memories of life and laughter from long ago …
... and by our daughter to keep her Mom connected and engaged through My Lung Cancer Odyssey she has empowered father daughter time including this now iconic photo of Harold and, Patti in front of grave of George Decker from Memorial Day Weekend at New Freedom Cemetery.
Patrick Leer
Health Activist:
Caregivingly Yours, MS Caregiver @ http://caregivinglyyours.blogspot.com/


  1. Patrick, I am sorry this is another stressful episode of your already stressful journey. I send warm good wishes to all.

  2. My sincerest sympathies. Even though Patti's brain wanders, I'm sure her heart holds fond memories.

  3. I am truly sorry to hear about Patti's father. I know you and Megan are affected by it, as well as, Patti. Prayers for strength for your family.


  4. I have to tell my Alz mom, over and over that her brother has died. She doesn't get real upset, just seems to want to know. He died almost 5 years ago now. For her, it is every month...

    1. Thank Diane .. yeah it gets strange ... I often quip, it's always now for Patti. She frankly as a result of dementia is handling her Dad's death better than others. Dementia is a an upside down world.


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