Tuesday, April 27, 2004

Point of No Return

Answering my own previous question is as difficult as letting go. As spousal caregiving expanded over the years I began to think for Patti. At first out of convenience then as her mental abilities were increasingly eroded by MS out of necessity. Every caregiving situation is different. Ours grew to total dependence.


You cease to be, in a sense you suffocate. You become something different. You are your dependent spouse’s able body and mind for interacting with the world of medical care, insurance, planning and details of living.  Yet you are NOT disabled. You cannot feel the emotion. You cannot know the void of loss of memory and reasoning. Too often it’s like existing simultaneously in parallel universes. It’s easy to loose your sense of direction.


As Patti’s mental abilities became more inconsistent so to faded the ability to discuss ideas or plans. That was a frightening and lonely point of no return.

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