Thursday, August 05, 2010

cognition, memory, and sociopath clown? oh my!

Caregiver as interpreter becomes part of the duties as memory loss and cognitive impairment symptoms join daily life. While Multiple Sclerosis specific in our story such symptoms are not unique to MS caregiving.

Personally I find myself angsting more over this than all the physical aspects of caregiving.

When you start thinking for someone, it is too easy to slide into expediting, then manipulating, and soon you can easily be spiraling downward toward politician if you do not force yourself into a system of checks and balances. 

Am I guilty of assuming my perspective is right at the risk of becoming a caregiver version of ‘Captain’ from the movie Cool Hand Luke, “What we’ve got here is - failure to communicate”.

Or am I looking too far beyond what is immediately in front of me and too deeply into communication theory such as “One Cannot Not Communicate” (every behavior is a kind of communication).

What I do know is that simple becomes complicated and complicated becomes simple. Is bending everything else to accommodate what you think will work best really ethical much less viable? … Life is dynamic only change is constant.

When angsting even compliments can be unsettling. “You always get her to smile.” “She’s always laughing when she’s with you.” … Hey! If you want smiles any garden variety sociopath can teach that class. If you want laughs call in the clowns. … OMG! I am becoming a sociopath clown?

Fortunately there is always Patti the only check and balance that really matters. While trying to share some of my angst she remarks, “Can’t I just have a fu#@ing cigarette?”

Caring is immediate never abstract. The noise in my head can wait.

Turning to her with an exaggerated smile and a quip about me being diagnosed with diarrhea of the mouth I have to wait until Patti stops laughing before handing her a cigarette. - OMG!

Caregivingly Yours, Patrick Leer 
musings: patrick ponders


  1. Patrick, it sounds like Patti's sense of humor will always keep you from getting too analytical or taking yourself too seriously!


Blog Archive