Sunday, April 24, 2011

let them eat memories

Memories paradoxically both bond and separate you the longer you are a caregiver, at least when Multiple Sclerosis progression impacts cognitive abilities.

With our daughter’s birthday looming, Patti had not remembered, could not remember the day, nor could guess her age after multiple attempts. How? Why? -  What difference does it make?  It seemed better to just enjoy a fun time in the now creating an entertaining outing to include Patti in preparing for our daughter’s birthday.

"What you see and hear depends a good deal on where you are standing; it also depends on what sort of person you are." C.S. Lewis

Earlier asking our daughter, she had requested sushi quickly adding how about carry out and eat at home as it’s easier for Mom. True, and as I often stop to remind myself it is ‘their’ relationship and shared memories, not my perception of it. Megan only had 18 months of a ‘traditional mother’ daughter bond before severe disabling MS changed our family dynamics.

Rolling on in the now, we were blessed by nothing but the right sort of persons. Yes both the bakery and sushi bar were wheelchair accessible but wheelchair friendly is about the people behind the counter.  In both places, without asking or hinting, whether baker or sushi chef, they saw with more than eyes what was going on and brought selections around from display cases holding them for Patti to see and empowering her enjoyment of involvement.

Memories fuel an entire industry - inspiring poets and songwriters, employing practitioners of the psychobabble arts, and both haunting and comforting us.  Yet when memory loss enters the equation are any of us prepared?

Only in perspective can moments get poignant, when eyes smile in the now “sure, they steal your heart away.”
Caregivingly Yours, Patrick Leer 
web site: caregivinglyyours.com  

2 comments:

  1. Happy (belated) birthday Megan!! Poignant entry, Patrick. It is good to read about the compassion of others at the bakery/sushi place to make a special day more special!!

    I hope you and yours have a very nice Easter day!

    betty

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