Caregiving over time created a 'black hole' into which disappeared the thoughts, feelings and passions of the caregiver.
Three fourths through this transitional year and unexpectedly that 'black hole' is beginning to reverse itself. Lost pieces of me are starting to come back.
Confusion is unsettling. Stoicism was my keystone of caregiving. Too often, I ‘feel’ like I am in an emotional rip current.
This was not in the plans.
{{{{{Hugs}}}}} my dear friend. You have been through so much more than I have, but all I can offer you is a shoulder and a hug.
ReplyDeleteDeb
Wow, you couldn't have put it better! We lose our identity when we become caregivers. I am realizing this, and is pointed out by our kids, as they encourage me to get out and do somethings. However, they are not around and are not aware of the sudden onsets of nausa from the morphene, or the breathing problems that occur without warning. I naturally don't go far! I love your wifes repsonse about MS makes you like a cat, or something similar. When our people are sleeping, they are not hurting, worrying, or considering the future. Sleep can be a blessing. cf
ReplyDeleteIt is odd for me to come and read your thoughts because when you write about Patti, I relate and when you write about BEING the caregiver, I also relate. Have been the caregiver four three years (not anything compared to what you did but Gil had terminal cancer) and having my own varity of MS your journal just feels like home.
ReplyDeleteI am glad that pieces of you are floating back to your skyline....I hope that the man you are now likes the man you've been. Sometimes the change of caregiving is like being in a fire....you come out more shiny and pure.