Thursday, June 10, 2004

It's peculiar ...

It's peculiar to say the least that I feel anxiety over trying to visit with Patti during one of the busiest professional weeks of the year and end of the school year week activities for Megan. A year ago I could have strangled her trying to juggle cleaning up her bowel and bladder accidents or falls with trying to rush off to work or run her to one patchwork caregiving scenario or another.

She is safe and secure (and more often than not oblivious to seasonal and family activities); you would think I would find a comfort level in that. And it's only been since Sunday when Megan and I last visited, so I can't explain the high anxiety. Yet it is there. I think also attending a recent volunteer awards ceremony has unquestionably left me feeling inadequate contrasted to what others accomplish with their lives.

As a release I experimented with a thrill seeking ride that exceeded any roller coaster I have ever experienced. Last night we ventured for the first time into "limited traffic" with Megan's learner's driving permit. It is moment in time I will never forget. She was excellent. Though I would have given anything for an extra brake pedal on my side of the car. <grin>

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