Saturday, July 24, 2004

foggy end of the swamp

Previously, I referred to MEDICAID as a beacon.


As a family you are “living with MS”. That in itself is challenging but progression always looms as a possibility. Somewhat like living in a real life game of Russian Roulette where every day you get up and pray the chamber of the proverbial gun is empty that day.


The world around you is full of Biff’s and Buffy’s living their well lives with their well families toward their well goals. You always feel a bit incongruous to say the least.


Your struggles, challenges, stumbles, and even victories are essentially invisible to the well world.


You always HOPE that MS will not progress. Maybe just maybe life will let you live at the level you are at.


The thing is you somehow do handle it yourself, in our case for 18 years.


When and if you do have to reach out for help it leaves you feeling less about yourself. Reason and logic do not help.  After all reason and logic haven’t mattered the whole time in living with MS they suddenly are not going to kick in at the end.


Progression can drive you to desperation. At that foggy end of the swamp you begin to look for the beacon of medical assistance.

1 comment:

  1. I have been reading your journal for a few days and find myself saddened by the whole see I have MS and am a good man's wife.  I am terrified of losing my battle and try so hard to be brave.

    God bless.


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