Recently I was reading MSCONNECTION from our local chapter of the NMSS, specifically an article on caregivers entitled “Through the Eyes Of Love”. As a spouse caregiver of 18 years, I always read these articles with a sense of frustration. This journal was in part born from that angst.
As nearly infinite are the individual variables of each person with MS, the essence of MS caregiving is even more
Beyond the socio-economic factors of each caregiver and the level of dependency of the person with MS is the major exponential of CHOICE. The caregiver unlike the person with MS has to deal with choice at every challenge
WHY? is a vast and ever evolving question. “Through the eyes of love” I just feel is too “Hallmark”. It sounds nice, but...
I personally have found it has more to do with “true grit” than higher values.
“Through the eyes of love” also seems to invite judgment if it all comes apart. While the article then mentions that “not everyone is cut out to be a caregiver”, it does a disservice to label one decision over another.
Caregiving would be better painted like the picture of a young man heading out to war for a noble cause only to find the disillusionment of suffering. Caregiving is “trench warfare” for the long haul without glory or victory.
Such articles are certainly well intended. I pray caregivers may never know the extreme. And I pray those with MS may never need a caregiver relationship. However, should things start going wrong don’t let ‘the eyes of love’ become ‘rose colored glasses.’